Terpsichore
by faux nostalgia
Summary: It's like a dance, really. You take two steps forward and one step back—again and again—and your problems still won't go anywhere. Because, oddly, the solution is always one step forward and one step back. You just need to learn how to grasp it. SasuNaru
1. darkness leaves comfort

A/N: I don't own Naruto. Caution for Naruto swearing.

* * *

‹ **1: darkness leaves comfort **›

Every time he close his eyes, their faces would disappear. Then total darkness swallows up their glowers like nothing. And if he close his eyes long enough, the pain melts as well. As if the hurt was never there, and all he could feel was secureness in the dark.

It was what he felt at night, when he slept. How, sometimes, the darkness coats over the memorable looks of disgust they publicly show him. At daytime, he would take longer time to blink, relishing in the blackness he saw for a split second, where no faces ever displayed hate.

It was better that way, looking at the sun for encouragement, and then the moon for solace. In any case, what is bright would eventually become dull... and light will become dark. Like a cycle, repeating itself to the point where one of the factor collapses. For Naruto, it was an even fifty-fifty, and one was bound to lose a chance.

This time, at midafternoon of the first day of the tenth month of the time of the Celebration, when Uzumaki Naruto closed his eyes, the lethal pain he felt on his right arm and right rib subsided only a little bit.

He sat on the empty tub in his bathroom, torso naked, and a small box of first-aid kit lying in front of his curled toes. He couldn't get the water running for he'd be scared either hot or cold would only aggravate the pain, and if he tried to crouch low, the pain would certainly worsen.

With his left hand, he took out the remaining little roll of bandage from the kit, biting the end and unrolling the small patch, twisting his head over his shoulder. He grimaced, crunching his nose and narrowing his eyes when the roll reached its remnant.

He cursed.

He was damned for sole missions, where he always ended up getting wounds and scratches. Today was no different and, no thanks to that old hag, he wouldn't be able to do another mission in order to skip the few days away from Konoha.

He cried out when his right elbow accidentally brushed against his rib when his thoughts wandered. A long tremor of pain wracked from the wound throughout his body. He shut his eyes to bask in and allay the ache but ended up feeling numb. He bit the edge of the bandage hard and threw the discarded patch with his left hand to the closed bathroom door.

When the pain subsided a few minutes later, he took the bandage from his mouth and started wrapping from his right wrist to his...

Naruto cursed again when there was no wrapping left, and the bandage barely reached an inch from the cut he had. He would blame the damned mercenaries that tackled him and nearly tore his skin while he was so busy thinking.

A one-and-half-inch deep wound sliced his upper right shoulder all the way down the midst of his lower right arm. The bandage wasn't even layered enough to cover his wrist. Luckily, the few centimeter deep slashes he had on his right ribs weren't _too_ deep to break his bones... literally.

And where the hell was he going to get another roll of bandage?

He'd already wasted the lot from previous missions, and he counted on Kyuubi to heal him faster. But at this rate, it'd probably take more than two days for the stupid fox to completely cure him, and he needed just one to stay in the village then leave.

Naruto peeled off the bandage around his wrist and threw them to the door as well. Not only did he arrived at such a bad state, he'd also arrived in a bad mood, winding up snapping at Iruka-sensei, Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke, _and_ Sakura-chan on his way home.

They were so going to kill him now.

He didn't even _want_ to go back to Konoha this week, not to mention this month. People were more livelier and shouts of rejoicing echoed from the area near the Hokage mountain, where the villagers were already getting ready for the Fete. When _that_ week comes, every single dwellers of Konoha would forget about missions, and all attention would head straight to celebrating, dancing, and mourning.

It was something that happen once a year, for one week, celebrating the tenth day of the tenth month of triumph. Nobody acknowledged that he had never once participated in it for he begged (_beg_, too, dammit!) the Hokage to assign him a mission that would last a month. It worked, and everyone believed him, that to get stronger, he'd have to busy himself with difficult tasks. That it wasn't because he was trying to avoid Konoha's crucial festival of Kyuubi's defeat.

Of course, the latter part was true.

He managed to sit up without screaming this time. He scanned through his first-aid kit. Most of them were expired and the ones who were available were alcoholic and he wouldn't dare go screaming throughout the building. Even if it was effective, he couldn't risk the chances of anyone discovering he was seriously injured, let alone being caught off-guard by simpletons.

With a grunt, Naruto painfully stood up and stepped over the tub, without slipping (this time). He exited the bathroom and headed to his room, where he would stay until he was halfway healed.

Sakura-chan was looking forward to it, nostalgically wanting former Team 7 to go to the Fete together. She was going on her traditional pink kimono with cherry blossom designs, and Naruto couldn't wait to escort her, before realizing that he wasn't planning on going. He'd just gotten over his giddy crush last year and they both agreed that friendship was more suitable. Although she honestly told Sasuke that friendship might also work for the two, the pink-haired was still defendant and _slightly_ still obsessive (due to Ino), though it was faint.

Course, she had forced Kakashi-sensei to go, timidly inquired Sasuke, and both reluctantly agreed. She never asked Naruto for she knew why he'd say 'no'. Then again, everyone in the village knew why he didn't want to go... why he wasn't going, and why he shouldn't be going.

It only happened once a year and Naruto was thankful that that added hatred to the point everyone was ignoring him, or were disgraced to look at him, only lasted for seven days.

After that, it was just the ordinary cold shoulders and the lightly brushing him off. He'd rather have _that _than being shamed to look at every day with the same furious eyes he was already seeing in reality's light.

He maneuvered himself on his bed in a slow motion, sliding his body on top of the blanket. He stretched his right arm away from his rib cage and exhaled.

The pain was excruciating before and after he received it. Being occupied with his thoughts pained him and even more after he encountered the blows. He could have stayed in the Mist but there was no room left, not to mention the hospital full and being renovated. So it had taken him a day and a half to limp back to Konoha. Just that undergo worsened the physical pain and Kyuubi's advantage to mend faster.

Night was swallowing the sunset, and joyful screaming was heard out of the opened window. White curtains waved with the oncoming wind as it carried the music inside the gloomy dark bedroom.

There should be colorful lights all around the Fete area. If not, music should have been louder, too. People were slowly starting to leave their home to watch workers forge the temporary open-air park of festivity. If the music wasn't so melancholic, he'd even heard a few crying just passed his apartment.

The sound of crying wasn't on Naruto's list of strong points. He'd already gotten over crying every day and night when he was twelve. He didn't want to listen to it anymore and would result to start sobbing again.

But Naruto longed to see the festival, yet the fact that he had made it happened through Kyuubi murdering villagers of Konoha quickly deleted the yearning into regret.

Why the fuck were they so _happy_?

That day in which Kyuubi was foiled and sealed inside was _nothing_ to barrack about.

Not many people mourned, for it made them more depressed.

So they danced, sang, and played.

That was what Sakura-chan told him. She told him that on the exact day of Kyuubi's trounce, everyone danced and sang and played their hearts out, their minds out, until they forgot about the sorrow it had brought them. So that they could move on the next day.

She only scowled when Naruto laughed and called the tradition stupid. He didn't want her to smack him hard if he called it 'fucked-up'.

On the days Kyuubi was sealed, all Naruto did was mourn, and it made him more depressed.

He left her before she could preach him about the lesson everyone was learning, but that wouldn't go through his head. For seventeen and a half years they did that, but they weren't doing anything to Naruto, or _for_ him.

The Fete was, really, just a selfish conventional sham.

But, maybe... the shamming of it all made Naruto yearn to see it.

Just one look inside the area, not outside, behind the bushes and trees, hundreds of yards away from it's boundary, watching people laugh. The longing in his eyes were shadowed in the dark.

When asked, Naruto would say no and his friends would understand. They never ask him to join them. Because if they did, they wouldn't have spotted him behind the bushes and turn back around like he wasn't there at all.

There was that subconscious flicker of pity after glancing at him in the darkness. Like he was darkness itself and he wasn't seen. Just another entity in the shadows nobody scarcely noticed. As though, he only exists in front of them when it was convenient.

Even if he were to exist or not exist, would there be a difference in the world and time?

If he was to exist naturally, would he have made a difference?

But if he was to exist without Kyuubi, would he have been more real in their eyes and not just a false human being, made friends, and still had a family? Or had he depended way too much on Kyuubi for himself to be a true shinobi?

He had never experienced being normal, and even though he acted like one everyday, it just wasn't the same feeling the actual one. He asked Iruka-sensei if he thought he was normal. All he got was 'of course', and that sad smile Naruto couldn't trust. It seems that he couldn't trust smiles anymore, peculiarly the eyes.

Then... if he was to never existed, would it make a bigger difference to the world? Then they could have sealed Kyuubi with another infant. Naruto frowned. Then, it would just be another existence whose existence had been like Naruto's.

So... there was really no difference if he should die or live, at all. In the end, it's still the same pain.

Naruto found himself humming with the songs outside the darkening sky. Found himself listening intently with the children who hollered out the tune all around the village. The other people possibly smiled and followed along, while he, vacant face, merely hummed with the rhythm.

There was a moment in time when the night made him feel at ease. Like if he closed his eyes, everything he saw would disappear. Like if he shut his sight out from the one glance of the people in this village, then everything would be just fine.

Like, for example, floating beneath the waters, where he would be far away from the surface of every problems. To never look at their faces again. He thought that, maybe way too many times, the moment people biased him.

That if he just closed his two bright blue eyes, their words would disappear and he would prove to them how powerful he really is. How acceptable he will be when he would soon be the next Hokage in line. No—_will_ be.

But on the tenth month of the coming tenth day, the nights betrayed him, and the days burned his pride. And sometimes, in such a weakened state, he thought that maybe if he was blind the moment he was born, he wouldn't have to absorb so many hatred within his heart.

That, per se, he kept his eyes close forever, covered his ugly face with tainted hands, the people would be happier. Because to them, he was already dead.

It eased Naruto, thinking it, for if he close his eyes for a long long time, the million eyes that looked at him with pity, either fleeting or publicly, would disappear, and that's when everything would be all right.

* * *

If someone says '_I'm fine_', they usually aren't. Especially if they snap it at you when you charitably ask them how they were doing. And, yes, _'I'm fucking fine, bastard—fuck off‼_' was a one-hundred percent chance that they aren't all that fine. 

Sasuke knew instantly when Naruto snapped after seeing the blond walk pass Ichiraku at such a very agonizingly slow pace, who had quietly ignored him after.

Nobody noticed the way he limped. Not that they would, or care.

Sasuke had been filled in the important basics he needed to learn a few months after his temporary restrictions were over, a year and a half ago when he had returned to Konoha.

Well, he couldn't quite say he _wasn't_ shocked, and he _was_, through that empty face he'd trained to be vacant. A feeling he hadn't felt for a long time arrived and he was pretty it had been pity.

But did pity heightened the sense of sadness and sorrow he felt?

Was it sympathy that he felt for Naruto every time he looked at him in the eye or spoke to him when either one was in a bad mood?

It _did_ make sense when Naruto didn't take part of the Fete in their earlier age.

And it _did _make sense why the moron was so disliked.

Naturally, who wouldn't be so annoyed by him?

Sasuke was sure not a single soul in the world would want or like someone who opened their mouth twenty-four-seven and have the stamina to hop around like a silly hare.

He'd learned why Naruto suddenly began to busy himself with missions when September almost ended from Sakura (who, to his relief and chagrin, could not keep a secret from him). He had done the same, avoiding not only his current problems, but the chittering desperation of the girls of Konoha to get him to go with them to the festival.

He couldn't make sense why the fan club still persisted on after the way he assassinated all those he trusted. Never knew why he was still dubbed as Konoha's prodigy, the genius boy, and the so-called most popular.

If he was so popular, why was he not interested in being in the crowd and chat with people like a normal person? Because he didn't want to be well-known.

Staying away from people he didn't want to be around with was easy enough. There was simply one that he discovered he couldn't quite brush off as much as he had done years ago. It didn't matter whether he made the icy walls around his heart thicker, or emptied his soul. It didn't matter whether he glowered at people or casted them out of his heart.

He realized that when he came back that there would be someone who'd willingly act like he had never done anything to them, that he had never tried to kill him. Someone still had the will to strike through within him.

Suddenly finding himself sitting up on his bed and staring at the night-sky outside his bedroom window, Sasuke stood up and double checked the lock to see if the window really was tightly shut. The cheery sound outside his apartment made him frown and children running towards Mount Hokage's direction and into the readying Fete made him slide the curtains shut.

Tomorrow night was the start of the celebration and he stayed inside his apartment just in case girls floundered around him. They were awful at sneaking and most were too blinded by his looks to tell that he was a fake until he disappeared into a puff of smoke. There was no way females of Konoha could become great shinobi with the way they acted around him.

Maybe it was because he scorned women.

Sasuke marched back onto his bed. He crawled beneath the white blankets and continued to sleep. It was a clear disadvantage to try and blend in the crowd and still be invisible. Which was probably why he was so pulled into that certain person's string, too.

It wasn't that he'd been thinking about the coerce that suddenly pulled him towards that half-wit. It was the moment he had realized that Naruto was someone significant to him, as a friend; the one component he had been trying to avoid. But it was already too late to avert that element, now that everything was almost all right.

The only thing he certainly wanted to push aside was another turmoil of feeling he had noticed that time Naruto snarled at him this midafternoon, and glared at him with sapphire eyes.

Fading sapphire eyes.

...Oddly, unspoken, damaged blue eyes.

* * *

Kyuubi had successfully healed some part of his wound, enabling him to actually move _just_ a little bit so that he was on his side with the wound sticking up and his right arm flailed in front of him. There was still that excruciating pain, but it wasn't as lethally tormenting as it had been a few days ago. He still winced when he moved more than eight degrees of his position, but it was better than not being able to move at all.

The twenty-four-hour journey he did on foot made him gratefully exhausted. When he woke up, it was already the end of the afternoon and his upper right side felt extremely numb. The aureate sky and its rotted yellow color beamed down on him, making Naruto shiver. Then again, he had been shivering all night after forgetting to close the window.

He was sure he was going to get a cold...

Naruto crunched his face when his nose tingled and he divulged a quiet sneeze. He sniffled and wiped his upper lip with his right hand. He groaned when he turned over to his back. Unfortunately, feeling invulnerable everyday had it's limit and the bones were bound to scream out of soreness.

He could have slept some more but the urge to piss really bad woke him and the dread that he wouldn't be able to get up that quick, not to mention _run_, to the bathroom. There was no way in hell he'd risk an accident on his bed.

Biting his bottom lip, Naruto tardily lifted his upper torso by pushing his elbows against the bed. He flinched and the wave of pain shot through him, causing him to double over and immediately bend forward and clutch his arms, his forehead against bent knees. The pain on his rib-cage only made it hurt ten-fold and he resisted the urge to cry.

"Fuck!" he closed his eyes and tried to relish the pain like he did last night. It worked faster and the tremor of ache benumbed him.

_Shit, Kyuubi, heal me quicker! It still hurts!_

Damn those low-level mercenaries.

After a long moment of rejuvenating, Naruto rubbed his teary-eyes with his left hand and took a huge load of air into his lung. Hesitating a little, he carried his legs off the edge of the bed and manage to sit himself, straightening his back oh-so-very slowly.

He would have gone to the hospital, but it seemed that this week was an 'oh-dear-poor-Naruto-the-cursed-let's-pity-him-'cause-he's-got-that-Kyuubi-inside-him-the-poor-little-thing!'. Luckily, he wasn't limping no more, and it only faintly hurt when he twist his upper body to left or right. Cradling his right arm with his left, Naruto headed to the bathroom.

Even in the closed bathroom, the sound outside could still be heard. Naruto cursed at the undeniably catchy tune humming around the village. If it wasn't only that, he'd also dreamed of people singing the damned made-up tune last night.

Only this time, they were the singing eyes of the villagers, which was more likely to occur in a nightmare if they're chasing you through a tunnel of darkness until you break your legs and run out of air. Of course, a nightmare would have to succumb to the part that he was being torn by the mouthful eyes, and nobody else cared that he cried.

That was likely why he woke up with that teary-eyes...

Before Naruto turned the faucet of the sink, he felt something trickle down his side and arm. With slightly widened eyes, he lifted his right elbow and scanned his rib injury. He groaned. Blood drooled down the slope of his torso, as well as down his right wrist.

"_That's gross_," he craunched his face and moved his right elbow away from his face at the sight of foul pus.

On the spur of the moment, he lost appetite, and immediately brought that arm down the sink, and rinsed the pus, blood, and wound off. That subconscious act made him scream and yank the arm away from the icy cold water.

Sucking his lips, Naruto babied his aching arm and grabbed the towel hanging on the wall. He gently pressed the soft cloth against the wound, ignoring the cringes he made.

_Gods, you're so stupid sometimes!_

He waited until the blood stopped flowing on his arm. The towel was already soaked with blood when it stopped and he grabbed another towel to dab it on the flowing blood on his waist. He gently pressed the cloth onto the wound on his rib-cage and waited an eternity for the second flowing to stop.

At an ungodly time of the day, at the worse time to run out of stocks, Naruto could only think of getting out and buying another pack of first-aid kit. If he went to the old hag, she'd refuse to set him out on a mission after he'd finish bandaging himself.

Telling Kakashi-sensei would still result for the man to tell the old hag either ways. If he told the perverted sennin, the old pervert might have to concoct his own medical potions and Naruto wouldn't dare risk alcoholic being poured down his injuries.

If he told Sakura-chan... she might just tie him up to a hospital bed and threaten him that if he were to go on a mission after being bandaged, she would cut him in four pieces.

However, if he told Sasuke he wouldn't know what the other would do. He admitted the Uchiha didn't have that of a black heart to tell him to live with it even if it kills, and he obviously wouldn't have the heart to help him. Of course... he would _never_ ask Sasuke.

Besides... Naruto _was_ trying to avoid the dark-haired.

Missions after missions didn't make it suspicious and he hadn't seen the dark-haired for a week now.

Whilst snarling at him yesterday wasn't his plan, he'd have to blame it all on his bad mood. Sasuke wouldn't care anyway, he was always cold and brittle, and he wouldn't give a shit about what happened to him. Sure they hanged out once in a while—or most of the time—or somewhat everyday—well, practically everyday (it was because one of them would eventually bump into the other and end up hanging out together - it doesn't mean anything!)—but _still_...! If Naruto were to show him his wounds, he might just do the same thing the villagers would do.

Pity him.

With a scowl, Naruto growled and shut his eyes.

Shit, he was thinking about that guy again! He had just failed his goal to stop thinking about the Uchiha for one month, and one week barely started!

He didn't know when it happened... it just did. It was probably because of that mission he had with him a few months ago—or maybe it had been there all along—but he began experiencing that one emotion he thought given up so little by little when Sasuke stared at him every time he talk to him.

He blamed it on Sasuke for doing the littlest things that can unhinge him, even by a mere stare. Ever since he came back to Konoha, all Naruto did was flounce like a happy bunny without even knowing it and, realizing that he'd done that, resulted him to lose half of his pride and crawl under his blanket, chagrined. Amazingly, or maybe not, Sasuke didn't seem to notice... or mind? He didn't know, but he wouldn't dare let his imaginations wander further than it already had.

Luckily, the flow stopped and only left a very bumpy wound. He didn't have time to bend down and throw the bloodied towels from the floor. If he wanted his wound to heal faster, he might as well do it the usual fashion and get himself another box of first-aid while fox takes its time.

Walking out of the bathroom and in his bedroom, Naruto brought out his chuunin uniform (omit the tight vest) and changed his pants. He took out a pair of scissors and prayed that in his closet he still had a few spares.

Looking at the bloodstained blanket and bed sheets, cursing at the deepened blood, he cut out a good long shred of his blanket, long enough that when he wrapped it tightly around his arm and rib wound, it made a good three layer. He ignored the bed sheets for now and pulled his chuunin top over his torso. He shut his eyes and shook his head. When he slowly stretched his arms in front of him, no bandage was seen. He smiled in satisfaction.

He took his old frog wallet and stuffed it in his pocket, rushing out to the doorway as he put his sandals on. He didn't lock the door, because nobody would go in anyway. At the time of the celebration, nobody trespassed his space.

When he made sure the deserted apartment was really deserted, he sighed and hummed the tune from outside. He raked his wild blond hair, uncaring that he had not put on his hitai-ate.

He didn't mind, for now.

If he went out with that symbol on his forehead, all the villagers would be distressed.

If he went out with that valuable trademark on his godforsaken forehead, everyone would be reminded that the hated fox who had killed so many in Konoha—the demon in which they were trying to celebrate its defeat and very much forget its existence—still lives in Konoha.

It was a thought that saddened him a bit, as Naruto stepped out of the building, faced with lionizing human beings. As the afternoon light, breeze, and singing fell around him, the dispirited look he had a moment ago was replaced with a grin he couldn't quite promise was real. Even if he wanted to, there was no turning back.

-

**♪ **to be continued

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if ive managed to bore you with the on-going internal monologue, please say so and i'll do my best to write the next chapter avoiding this incident. review? (",) 


	2. because you're with me –part 1–

A/N: I don't own Naruto. Okay... so romance is not my main experienced talents, but I'm trying... I think I've made the characters a little OOC... because, I'm sorry, I sometimes like making Naruto emo... caution for swearing.

Reposted for being beautifully revised and beta'd by **Yu-lin** (sobs in happiness).

* * *

‹ **2: because you're with me (part 1)** ›

He slammed his apartment door shut and leaned against it, mouth opened to let worn out pants escape. Wet jump suit clung to his skin. Water droplets fell from the end of his strands and onto the tip of his nose. Quivering, Naruto made a quiet frustrated growl.

"Fuck, Naruto, you wimp!"

He tilted his head back and closed his eyes. With heavy breaths, he slowly slid to the ground and clenched his fists.

* * *

**--A Few Hours Ago--**

They called it Fete, because it was supposed to celebrate the defeat of Kyuubi, the tenth day of the tenth month. A large part of Konoha was used to build the festival, approximately by Mt. Hokage. It was a one-week or so event that happened only once a year, so regulations say that everyone must participate, which meant missions were temporarily put on hold and no Konoha villagers were free. The Godaime Hokage only permitted few ninjas to work because she, herself, had to take part of the celebration.

But on the exact day of Kyuubi's seal, the Fete engagement was necessary. Whether to mourn, have fun, or simply watch, every dweller in the city was to enter. The rules also included Uzumaki Naruto a participant, much to a few's chagrin.

It wasn't that he was prohibited to step within the festival. He decided that it was best watching it from afar, on top of the mountain, or behind a shadowed area. He didn't want to ruin their fun, either ways.

Naruto marched down the nearly empty streets of Konoha, his face attempting a defiant look. He avoided the closeness of people for if they push him to the ground, they'd open his wound. Kyuubi was not fond of wasting its energy on mere 'scratches' and refused to heal his injury fully. For now, people cast him looks and turned away. When he moved, the injuries didn't extract enough pain to cause him to cringe.

The afternoon sun glared like a devil, flickering off deadly bright golden rays as it hid behind the mountains. Naruto stopped along the way to check any possible stores opened in this side of the village. He'd been meaning to eat at Ichiraku since yesterday but his current collection of money was only enough for a large stack of bandages. And besides, he may need much more to—

"Naruto!"

Said name silently cursed and stopped walking. He then turned around slowly to face the coming voice.

Naruto tried a smile, and succeeded.

"Sakura-chan, yo."

The pink-haired ran to stop in front of him. Her shoulder-length hair fell forward as she bent over and took a huge breath. She looked up at him and smiled.

"Thank goodness I finally found you!" she exclaimed, "I thought you were with Sasuke-kun training, but he said you weren't there in the morning so I thought I'd go look for you at the ramen stand, but they said you weren't there, so I checked your apartment but nobody answered...!"

The boy raised an eyebrow.

"I was in my apartment," he answered, "uhh... sleeping, probably why I couldn't answer?"—he scratched the back of his head—"the bedroom door is usually shut tight, so..."

But then he remembered that he was supposed to meet Sasuke this morning. He bit his tongue.

"Crap, I forgot about this morning!" he swore and stuffed the hand scratching his head back into his pocket, "Sasuke must have been pissed, right?"

Sakura flicked her hair behind her shoulders and sighed.

"Think so," she replied.

"You think so?"

"Well, since he's always so sullen, it's hard to tell," the girl answered, "but today he was more sour than usual, though it may have been my imagination. He was really concerned, you know. You never miss training with him, and when you do, you're usually sick or injured... but you seem fine."

"Really?" Naruto couldn't help but ask, "why would the bastard be worried?"

For the past months, conspicuous remarks, by Sakura, of the Uchiha being evidently worried—especially at him, no less, were almost unremarkably said. Normally, it was on occasions like this, or any other special holidays, but that didn't stop Naruto from denying. Even Tsunade-baabaa was worried... so there was no point of thinking that only Sasuke actually cared.

But that feigned desire still held onto Naruto's yearn and... oh dear, he would die if Sakura caught his cheeks flushing slightly now.

"Knowing him, he probably wants to know why you were so mad and yelled at him yesterday," Sakura said.

There was a short pause in which Naruto didn't say anything. He made a look and opened his mouth to say something to Sakura when the girl smiled and waved a hand at him. She made a gentle snort.

"It's all right," she responded, "most of the ninjas come back after a long mission looking pissed off. I don't blame you."

"After all," Sakura continued, after Naruto nodded, "it's a hectic month and everyone is occupied with one or two things."

"Mostly one thing," Naruto muttered but only smiled when Sakura missed it.

She looked timid at the moment and Naruto watched as she put her hands behind her and idly stared at the ground.

"Wanna walk?" she asked, "I wanted to talk to you."

The two headed down the sidewalk with a curt silence as they passed a couple of people and opened stores Naruto had thought of going in. His heart fell at the many opened pharmacies they had just passed by. Still insistent, though, he silently begged Kyuubi to heal him again. And still... he received the same 'you earned the pain, you heal it yourself, you indigent brat!'

"Going anywhere today?" Sakura asked.

Naruto shook his head.

"Nah. Just wanted to walk. I've been standing for the past three days, guarding at Hidden Water so I've missed moving my feet," he replied, "plus... with Jounin exams coming next year, I was planning to tell Sasuke to train with me, but I missed a chance this morning since I was tired and all."

He maneuvered his direction away from the path to the hospital or another pharmacy so that Sakura followed him towards the forest park. Even in the training grounds or just outside the pavement areas, the surroundings lacked people. Very few shinobi went outside to train. Most were appointed missions to help build the Fete. The Godaime had given him a similar mission but he had refused and requested another one.

It wasn't like starting to act how you actually feel about something was wrong, right? He had always hated his birth date but no complaints ever came out of his mouth. Besides, it wasn't like letting his feelings loose, and finally acting like he really hated his birthday would hurt anybody.

* * *

_"My mission's complete," the blonde affirmed, "gimme another one, old hag."_

_The Godaime flipped through her files and set them all in one corner of her desk. There were many, but she didn't scan any of them. Instead, she moved her head up to look at him. Naruto fidgeted and expected the next commission._

_"Naruto, I want you to help build the festival," she said, "we need more people and if a shinobi helps, it makes the job much easier so that civilians aren't wor—"_

_Naruto made a noise, slightly panicky, but still firm. He straightened._

_"No, I want a different one."_

_"What?"_

_Tsunade's eyes flickered as he watched him stare back at her. She shifted from her uniform and raised her head so that she could see his face fully as she wore the pointed hat._

_"You heard me, I want a different mission," Naruto scowled, "you can't be that old to not hear me clearly saying it."_

_Tsunade frowned._

_"But this month is the month of celebrating and having fun," she pointed out, "everyone must participate, Naruto. You can't just—...you can't do this every year."_

_"Celebrating and being happy, my ass," Naruto interrogated, "it's not my place when I'm not welcome."_

_"You have the rights to take part, kid," the Hokage answered._

_"And I have the rights to refuse."_

_"You can't do this every year, Naruto," she repeated, containing her frustrations._

_"I can."_

_"You aren't getting anywhere with this kind of attitude."_

_"I don't care."_

_Tsunade growled._

_"You aren't helping yourself, either, you damn brat!" she spat, "do you think running away because of something this shitty will help you mend yourself?"_

_She watched as his breathing labored. Anger started to rise from his throat. She felt him move and if he hadn't controlled his urgency, he could have taken a step forward and could have screamed at her, loud enough for the whole village to hear, and then could have stormed out. But, luckily, he kept his command._

_"I said: I - don't - care," he ground out, "what else can I do? Go in there and watch while I'm being discriminated, shamed, and completely shaken off like I don't exist? Walk in and make their smiles turn into a frown? Just remember who created that fucking event and why it was created!"_

_Only Naruto could speak to a Hokage like that. If it wasn't Naruto, he could have been suspended. But Tsunade favored him too much._

_"Uzumaki Naruto created that event after Kyuubi was sealed inside you," the Hokage answered, "the festival is there for people to mourn and forget about the pain. There is no rule that says you are forbidden to mourn and forget about the pain."_

_She stopped when Naruto snorted and gave a dark laugh._

_"You wouldn't believe if I told you how many times I've heard that," he huffed, "but it doesn't help, old hag."_

_"And just how is it that it does not help, Uzumaki Naruto?" Tsunade asked coolly._

_Naruto didn't wince at the coldness of it. He stared at the ground for a second and then back at the woman._

_"I want a different mission, Godaime-sama," it was Tsunade who cringed._

_"But, Naruto..."_

_"I don't want to take part of the festival."_

_"You must."_

_"It's not my place."_

_"But—"_

_"Please."_

_She didn't ask anymore. She had a vague idea about it but she did not dare argue with him again. With a sigh, she requested a three-day guard at Hidden Water, even though she knew Naruto wanted more days away from Konoha. After that, he gave her a weak smile, until it disappeared when his mouth opened._

_"You wanted an answer to your question, hag?" he asked._

_Tsunade glanced up at him._

_"Here," Naruto lifted the hem of his shirt, exposing a large portion of his abdomen. Without making any seals, he narrowed his eyes and focused on something within his soul. The woman gazed at the black seal and the small amount of demonic chakra rising in the air. As the tattoo resurfaced, Naruto moved a hand to clutch on the swirls, tardily clenching his hold. He stared at her with sad eyes and gave a subtle vulpine smirk._

_"Because the pain of death never goes away... when the source of hurt is still alive."_

_He then turned around and left without letting her debate._

_

* * *

_

"... Naruto?"

The said boy snapped from his reverie and looked at the pink-haired with dazed confusion.

"Uh, yeah?"

"Is anything the matter?" she asked, worry lining about her brows.

Naruto shook his head.

"Nothing's wrong, Sakura-chan," he smiled.

The girl punched his shoulder lightly and frowned.

"Geez, Naruto," she nearly pouted, "I told you that 'Sakura' is all right. We're not children anymore."

"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan," the boy apologized, moving a hand to rub the back of his neck.

"Naruto! Stop it!" Sakura exclaimed.

"Only if you stop with the '-kun' to Sasuke, I'll stop calling you that," Naruto grinned.

But his smile faded a little bit when Sakura blushed. A conscious pang of jealousy inside made their walk silent, as Naruto clamped his mouth shut and pondered.

_We're best friends. Of course Sakura-chan still has feelings, you idiot. Even Sasuke knows she still has a small crush on him. It doesn't mean you have to be so fucking jealous, you dumbass! Oh my god, am I blushing again?—_he felt his cheeks, and worried on its slight warmth—_oh fuck, you are! What's Sakura-chan gonna think now? She'll know you have a thing for that bastard and she'll freak out and call you a 'los—'!_

"Do you want to hang out here?" Sakura asked.

"Uh... wha?"

Naruto gazed at the object of question in front of him. It was a vacant playground he had seen, always full of children playing on it. He watched as Sakura took a seat on the bench, getting rid of the wrinkles on her skirt.

"I wanted to talk to you about something.." she began. "Sasuke-kun and I were talking about it when you were on your mission, actually..."

"Uh huh," Naruto lifted a foot and began to stride on the playground.

The playground he had secretly played at every midnight, alone, when he was younger.

"We were going to talk to you about it but you were in a bad mood," Sakura told him.

She looked at him with her faint emerald eyes. There was uncertainty in them, but slight anticipation. Suddenly, Naruto dreaded the atmosphere and feared it was what he thought it was.

_Shit! They're...!_

"I—is it about... you two?" his heart fell.

To his surprise, Sakura held both hands up and widened her eyes.

"What? Of course not!" she cried.

Naruto observed her.

She seemed... surprised... as well?

"Oh... okay," he fought not to exhale in relief.

"It's... about you," she said, "but also about the three of us. Or the four of us, including Kakashi-sensei. But... mostly you."

"Okay," Naruto repeated as he touched the sandy ground of the playground. Sand engulfed his sandaled foot.

"Would you mind?" Sakura asked, "it won't take long, but I know you have better things to do so..."

"Anything for a friend," he sent her an assured vulpine smirk and chose the swing set.

* * *

Dark and gloomy nights were common in autumn and winter. The stars rarely showed themselves and any signs of life out there in such a depressing night were well hidden. However, natural depression was forgotten this time of the month and all citizens of Konoha spent their time building the Fete. 

It was already an hour and a half before midnight that Naruto finally bought his kit of bandages. He was appeased, to say the least... but his face clearly did not succeed in brightening. The grave look wouldn't leave his expression as he clenched on his bag.

"Damnit," he mumbled, "if I didn't say those to her, she wouldn't look so suspicious. Shit! Damnit! She probably is!"

"Who is, usurato–"

"KyAAh!" Naruto jumped up from the ground and out of his on-going reverie.

Instinctively, he twisted and whacked the intruder behind him with the bag of bandages. He groaned and doubled over a little as his wounds started to open for the second time this day. The shadow didn't bother dodging the hit since it didn't leave any effect, nor had Naruto hit hard enough.

Naruto cursed and touched his chest.

"Did any of your training do you good?" the familiar voice taunted. "You'll never be a jounin with those kind of hits."

"Ahh! It's _you_!" Naruto hopped backwards and pointed at Sasuke, whose darkened figure lightened as he stepped into the moonlight. Naruto ignored the look he gave him and scowled.

"What the hell are you doing in here, teme?" he demanded.

"I might as well ask you the same thing, dobe," was the only reply.

Naruto calmed down and placed his arms limp to his sides.

"I was buying food, got a problem with that?"

"...Yeah, I do," the brunet answered, raising an eyebrow, "since when do you eat bandages?"

"'The hell are you talking about?" Naruto rose his brow as well, and looked at his bag. He cursed as the rolls of bandages lay exposed, three rolls were unwind and drooped on the ground. Sasuke looked at the bag and then at the blond. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and a long black scarf cloaked around his neck. His gaze was long enough to make Naruto fidget in nervosity.

"What do you want, bastard?" he managed to ask without stuttering. When the other merely stared, he frowned and slowly turned away.

"Whatever, I'm going home," he muttered loudly.

He could hear Kyuubi laughing at him inside, teasing him about his drooling slashes. The demon's mocks were already enough to withstand, let alone Sasuke's own jeer tonight. After all, he had a wound to tend to by himself, and Sasuke was distracting enough, boring his stupid black eyes through his back. _What, is there blood seeping out or something? This isn't funny!_

...That thought made Naruto paranoid, unconsciously looking over his shoulder to scan his back. When he didn't find anything, he gave Sasuke a frown and started walking back to his apartment.

"Did you hurt yourself?"

Somehow, the words caught his feet and made him freeze on the spot. Naruto looked at the brunet over his shoulder with wide eyes.

"W—what?"

Sasuke took a step forward and eyed the bag he was holding once more. It was clear he was suspecting something. As much as Naruto admired his cleverness, he hated him for it, being a fucking genius and all.

"Did you hurt yourself?" he repeated.

The blond wanted to laugh at him and ask what the hell he meant. But dull black eyes pinned his mouth closed and held his posture as it was. However, the remaining control of his inner self was still there and he got by a small—squeaky—chuckle.

"What?... no," he managed, "of course... I'm not hurt."

Ah, but he was. He could feel the blood flowing down his wounds and sluggishly soaking his undershirt.

"Umm... why do you ask?"

Sasuke didn't respond. He stood there, like a statue, like he expected Naruto to say something else, something more. But Naruto couldn't entirely tell what his expression was, because his mouth was well hidden behind the scarf.

"When someone carries a bag of bandages, they are bound to have gotten hurt," he replied.

"Ah..." Naruto looked at the ground.

He hadn't thought of that.

But, you know... he still tried.

"It's... uh..." – ...sometimes he really wished he hadn't went on the mission alone... and that someone _else _was actually injured – "it's for Shika—err, no... Kiba!" – because he knew that _that _was the stupidest answer – "yeah and, um, yeah... I'm going home and you're blocking my way..." – and _that_, also, was the second stupidest answer ever... because he was heading the opposite way.

Sasuke smirked. At least, Naruto thought so. Sasuke's eyes always crinkle a teeny weeny bit when he smirks or sneers even though nobody notices.

"Oh?" he said.

"Yes, smartass!" Naruto shot him an annoyed look. But he should have said 'bastard' because it was easier to say to Sasuke without defining how Sasuke's gaze managed to tear open his lie - his every lie.

"Because I clearly remember Inuzuka having this month off," the brunet continued, "and last time he had a mission, he went home... unscratched."

_Now _Naruto was annoyed.

"And how the hell would you know?"

If it even was possible, Sasuke's smirk widened.

"Nara and I were with him."

_I hate you, Uchiha Sasukeeee!_—Naruto's bottom lip puckered out and he refused to blush. On the other perspective, Sasuke's eyes frothed in satisfaction when a slight pink tinge appeared on the blond's upper cheek and his clenched hand inside his pocket loosened as he watched with amusement at Naruto fighting down the itch to throw a childish tantrum.

"It's for me," Naruto gave up, "got a problem with that?"

Sasuke snorted at the blond's attitude. Here he was, being benevolent enough to ask and all he got were stubborn remarks.

"Honestly, stupid," the brunet rolled his eyes and then took the large bag from Naruto's hand, who unconsciously let him.

"What are you doing?" Naruto asked.

"When you give me lame excuses like that, I just know something is wrong," Sasuke replied.

That struck something inside Naruto and he couldn't help but stare back. Uchiha Sasuke was a well-known ice-prick who didn't give a shit about anything but his own past. Naruto had realized long ago how a simple concern could destroy his own personal shield of deceit.

"You... concern?" he asked rather dumbly.

Sasuke sighed and held up the plastic bag.

"Who wouldn't when you carry around a heavy load of bandages all for yourself," he told him, "anyone would be troubled and start wondering what the hell you're up to."

Naruto felt the crack of his inner wall rebuilding.

"Oh... right..."

Of course.

_Anyone _would be worried.

He couldn't help but stare at the ground. There were times he thought Sasuke was giving him hints that maybe, he, too, may have a tiny, little bit, of, slightly sentimental, and maybe a crush on him. Since he didn't act like he did towards others as he openly did to him, Naruto was given false hope that someone could possibly like him more than a friend or a family.

Indeed... it felt false.

He had refused a few missions that required Naruto and Sasuke together, unless it had been urgent. He felt vulnerable when Sasuke was on his team because if he would get hurt, Sasuke would yell at him. If he would trip over a rock without thinking or get attacked, Sasuke would only pay attention to him. And that factor made the emotion Naruto had been keeping inside surface and made the feeling of being alone begin to haunt him.

Because everyone would eventually leave him, right?

There was no use getting closer than how close you already were.

He didn't want to get hurt. No, he didn't want to hurt again. Maturity obviously wasn't enough to earn respect from the villagers. Pain was consistently involved with the past and that was something he couldn't erase from them. That was something he couldn't make them forget.

Repent rose up inside him again, as well as Kyuubi's incessant mockery. There was a lump in his throat and he had difficulty swallowing it down. There was self-hatred, too, that he couldn't lie to Sasuke. Even if he did, the Uchiha could slice him open again and again.

Unfortunately, Sasuke saw the change of emotions and took a step forward. Before he was able to open his mouth, the sound of noisy laughter filled the dead night air.

"_Oni, oni, don't take me! Oni, oni, set us free!_"

Naruto's train of thoughts were interrupted as he turned his head and watched a group of junior kids appear in the moonlight. They were singing and laughing, spraying each other with hoses. Naruto recognized them. 

"Those brats," he muttered angrily, clenching his fists.

"You know them?" Sasuke asked.

"Yeah, they supposedly 'bully' me because I'm a freak," Naruto rolled his eyes, "didn't they learn their lesson a few weeks ago, those damn kids?"

Sasuke didn't say anything. If he would, he'd have been interrupted again when a kid started shrieking.

"_Ah, look, look! It's the demon!_"

Someone pointed a finger at Naruto and another laughed.

"_Get it, get it, Tako!_"

They aimed the hose at him and sprayed his back. Naruto pushed Sasuke out of the hose shot and growled.

"You fucking brats! Didn't I tell you're mothers to tell you to stay away from me!" he shouted.

The water scattered hard on his chest and he flinched. It was icy cold and didn't help ease his injury. Naruto clutched his chest and cursed, bending over. He felt Sasuke move but before the other could do something, like hit the kids, yell at them, beat the hell out of them, anything, they had ran away, laughing.

Blond locks were soaked and orange suit was drenched. He was breathing hard after the encounter, his hair clinging onto his cheeks. He felt his body weigh his balance down so he bent over and fell.

Right in front of the bastard, too. What's he gonna think now?

The last thought lingered a little bit and he opened his eyes when his knees didn't hit the ground. An arm snaked around his abdomen to keep him from falling and Sasuke's low voice filled his ear.

"You really are an idiot," the dark-haired muttered.

There was something behind that phrase, a different meaning behind the way it was said, and Naruto couldn't help but let the arm poise him. Hot breaths that made him forget about how cold he was tonight, breathing in and out and in and out... so how was he to move away? He doesn't understand emotions like these. It wasn't often that somebody made him feel like this. 

And, it sort of hurt, this disclosure.

But he tried not to deal with it, because, for now, he would pretend that only Sasuke cared. However, when the arms tightened, he yelped in pain and remembered his lesion.

"Ow, damnit you bastard, it still hurts!"

...Crap.

He plucked the arm off his stomach and tried to make a dash for it. Sasuke's eyes had turned into a light shade of dark brown, reflecting intense vexation, returned to its dull state as he stared at the blond's back.

"Naruto, you–"

"I—I have to go and... and..." he shut his eyes tightly then looked over at Sasuke. He hated how stupid he was sometimes. When opened, his eyes were still wide with fear of... something. "I have to go."

He didn't let Sasuke talk back. He didn't see Sasuke try to grab him again, or the way his eyes gave a pained look, or that he was about to open his mouth and say _something_. Naruto focused chakra on his feet and jumped away as fast as he could, cursing to himself.

* * *

**-- Back to Present --**

And that... was another ordinary day of Uzumaki Naruto. His wet clothes weighed him down and he was too emotionally exhausted to move his arms and strip them off. He let the back of his head bang against the door for a little bit as a long ragged sigh escaped his mouth.

He couldn't think right when this time of the year arrived. Emotions exploded throughout him like fireworks, making him unsure how he should react.

Sleep.

Yeah.

He felt sleepy and he needed sleep. His eyes were drooping and his visions were blurred. Exhaustion took him over and he quietly slumped against the door, closing his eyes. He had forgotten that he was wearing wet clothing. He forgot that he was supposed to take his sandals off when he came in.

The problem was, really, that he had forgotten his bag of bandages. Sasuke still had them and he was determined to track the blond down for answers. What was even worse was that he never noticed the doused pool of blood that clearly stained his front jacket, a drool of tiny red stream sliding down his side and onto the floor.

Even so... all he cared for right now was sleep, and the hoped he wouldn't dream about pain and death again tonight. And fucking Kyuubi was still laughing.

-  
♪ to be continued

* * *

how was it? good? bad? i found that there weren't that many naruto fanfics where the plot mainly focuses on the day Naruto received Kyuubi. I hope I'm making good progressed and entertained everyone... X) 


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